Stop Me Read online

  * * *

  Number 17 Bell Terrace was the last sort of place that Leo expected. It was in a respectable enough residential street and the key allowed him access to a well-maintained Victorian house crouching behind two topiary cone privets via a yellow front door. He found himself in a bright and airy hallway where the smell of carpet shampoo vied with nicotine. The walls and doors were painted fresh white and there was the sound of a TV coming from the end. The second key had the number 4 scratched into the green rubber grip end.

  He climbed the carpeted staircase to his left which took him to a darkened landing that smelt of yesterday’s roast dinner. From behind Door 1 which was directly in front of him, he could hear the sound of a TV. The door to his left was a communal bathroom, still steaming from somebody’s recent use. Leo gripped the wooden banister and followed the rail past doors 2 and 3 until he came to the last one. He paused outside and listened for sounds of movement from within.

  Suddenly, the sound of the TV got louder and he turned to find an overweight woman, with her hair wrapped in a towel, emerging from room 1. She cast him a cursory glance but seemed to think nothing of his presence there. She went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Leo returned his attention to the door and inhaled, suddenly realising that his sense of smell seemed suddenly acute. He wondered what time it was; he would normally be submerged in temazepam oblivion by now.

  If the key turns easily, Laura is getting nearer.

  It did, and the door cracked as it opened, as if it had recently been painted. Leo pushed the door wide, bumping it against an armchair that sat behind the door. He took in the room. With its single bed covered by a handmade quilt cover, it was hardly a mistress flat. There was a thick scent in there, like jossticks. The room was as brightly painted as the rest of the house and furnished with the sort of motley collection of old furniture that you’d expect to find in a bedsit.

  The curtains were shut but the bright daylight filtered in through the thin yellow material. He walked inside and glanced in every corner – not knowing who or what he expected to see. He closed the door and walked to the window, pulling open the curtains and peering through the nets. He was looking down on the small front garden and the tops of the topiary trees.

  Leo sat in the armchair that was positioned in the bay window and scrutinised the low table beside him. It contained a stack of different sized dinner plates, a cutlery holder, toaster and a slightly rusting tray that held teacups, a kettle and a pot. In front of him was a fridge with a microwave sitting on top and beyond that a wardrobe. He rose again and opened the door. He found one casual blue jacket hanging up and a pair of black leather shoes. He checked the pockets of the jacket and found a spare button in a cellophane packet.

  As he opened and shut the drawers of the dirty white dressing table on the opposite side of the single bed there appeared to be little sign of Doctor Mutatkar’s occupation of the room bar a few rattling pens and a box of matches. When, as an afterthought, he pulled the slim drawer beneath the mirror, however, it refused to budge. There was a hole for a smaller key on the front but he didn’t need to look at the keys Mrs Mutatkar had given him to know neither of them was small enough to fit.

  He fetched a knife from the cutlery drawer and tried to prise it. He managed to get the edge of the blade into the gap but the knife bent at the handle as he levered it. He tried another. It wasn’t a sturdy drawer but the lock was obviously solid and the second knife warped with his exertion as well. He took a step back and aimed the side of his heel once at the drawer before kicking it. It didn’t budge but a chunk of the ornate wood on the corner had chipped off so he kicked it again.

  The front of the drawer cracked and he waited, listening to his uneven breathing, to see if anyone would come to investigate the noise. When nobody did, he stabbed the crack of the drawer with one of the knife handles until the front caved in. He let his knees take his weight and peered into the frontless drawer. There were a number of objects within the darkened recess but he only needed to remove the first to know what the others were.

  It was a small glass pipe with a small bowl that was burnt on the outside. There was some dark residue within it. Leo sat cross-legged on the carpet and fished out a few of the foil-wrapped twists and packets and dropped them between his legs. That the doctor had been a crack addict was unexpected but Leo felt around in the drawer for something more. When his knuckles butted the end of the drawer he withdrew his hand.

  Dejected, he hoisted himself to his feet again and looked around the room, his gaze coming to rest on the bed. An MP3 player lay on the bedside table and he could picture Doctor Mutatkar sprawled out insensibly with it attached to his ears, time and respectability frozen for however many hours he spent here. Then he noticed the laptop. Resting on its edge, its slim grey casing scarcely noticeable against the frowzy white cover sheet. A phone line trailed from it into the socket beside the bed.

  Leo sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed and lifted it onto the counterpane. He flapped the lid open and switched it on. As the laptop buzzed to life, he heard himself dry swallow and felt the familiar prickling in the tops of his shoulders.

  If it asks me for a password, Laura has to be hidden here somewhere.

  No password was requested and the desktop suddenly cluttered itself with named files. However, he instinctively clicked on the email icon. The inbox had been scrupulously emptied but received thirteen new messages. None were personal and they all appeared to be block update emails from medical organisations. He closed it and focused on the desktop, clicking on one folder at random.

  Several documents were saved inside and Leo opened the first and scrolled through it quickly. It outlined the detailed findings of a drug trial and its effect on arthritis patients. Obviously the doctor wasn’t averse to mixing business with pleasure. Leo closed it and opened another, working his way from top to bottom through the remaining files on the desktop and finding dozens of documents inside each one before opening the My Documents folder. It was crammed with hundreds more. This was going to take hours to work through and Leo considered unplugging the laptop and taking it home.

  He looked up from the screen and round the room and again tried to visualise Doctor Mutatkar whiling away hour upon hour shut away from his family and colleagues. Then he remembered what Bookwalter had said when he’d asked him about Mutatkar:

  Even locked away, ask him if he truly feels secure.

  Leo shut the documents window and opened the doctor’s email again.

  CHAPTER 15

  Wouldnt the good doctor be alarmed to know youre using his laptop?

  Leo hadn’t been surprised to find Bookwalter online. He rarely wasn’t and the website and its maintenance appeared to be his full-time occupation. He’d already told him whose laptop he was logging in from.

  He’s finished with it.

  ????

  Leo wondered if Bookwalter really knew anything of the doctor’s death and had already decided to keep the information he conveyed to a minimum.

  What did you mean about him being locked away?

  We all like to feel impregnable.

  Another recondite response. As always, Bookwalter could know everything or nothing. He was about to attempt to solicit something more specific when Bookwalter added a footnote.

  Do you feel impregnable?

  How about giving me something to convince me you know as much as you give the impression you do.

  Not my job. Just like acting as a go-between for you and Laura isnt. You want to speak to her you come see me. Now is a good time, vacation season hasnt started yet.

  Do you think the Doctor would be interested in tagging along?

  All are welcome though some may be more high maintenance guests than others.

  Again, the words rattled out slowly with no pause for thought and again Bookwalter managed to imbue his response with the right measure of grainy, subjective relevance.

  How do you think Laura would react to a v
isit from Mutatkar?

  I cant speak for her because shes indisposed but I would guess shed be as surprised to see him as she would you.

  Then maybe we’ll both consider making the trip.

  It was easy enough when he was alone at home but sitting in a dead stranger’s room using a dead stranger’s laptop seemed to remove any last anchors of his own reality.

  Just give me the word and I can make all the arrangements. Remember, Ill cover the whole trip out here.

  Let me consult with Doctor Mutatkar when I see him later and I will give you his response.

  Id like to believe youre not putting me on.

  Why ever would you think I was doing that?

  Because Laura would be so disappointed if you were. Can I take it that I can go tell her the good news?

  Of course.

  Great. What date can I tell her?

  For the first time Leo saw how he could completely let go of his reality and indulge in the fantasy as much as Bookwalter did.

  Will discuss with Doctor Mutatkar. Do you have a message for him?

  More a belated piece of advice for you both. Dont leave without saying goodbye. You might never get the chance again.

  * * *

  6.05

  Leo glanced at the clock in his living room and thought about food for the first time. Less than two hours until he was on duty. Mutatkar’s confiscated laptop had so absorbed him that time had sped by, hours sneakily speeding outside the closed blinds while he scanned every conceivable folder. The phone rang and he cast it an accusing glance before getting up to answer.

  If I reach it before its fourth ring then the caller will have news of Laura.

  He did but they didn’t.

  ‘Leo?’ He didn’t recognise the female voice. ‘It’s Henryka.’

  ‘Oh hi, Henryka. Everything OK?’ He wondered why the Polish cleaning girl he’d occasionally shared coffee with at the end of his shift and the start of hers was phoning him and how she got his number.

  ‘Mrs Baptiste told me to telephone you. Are you ill?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ Leo answered in confusion. Then he pulled the closed blinds aside and noted the early morning sunlight. It was not 6.05 p.m. but 6.05 a.m and his shift was nearly over. Recovering quickly he added, ‘Well, a bit under the weather. Migraine,’ he added lamely.

  ‘We were worried about you when you didn’t come in. Don’t worry, we will tell your relief that you went home early.’

  ‘Thanks, Henryka. I’ll see you tomorrow.’ Leo put down the phone and sat back in front of the laptop, the conversation already forgotten. His stomach purred and he told himself he would work through one more file before he made himself some dinner.

  * * *

  Lunch with Ashley was always a three-hour affair but Leo had been strangely relieved to get a telephone call from her. Having raked the contents of Mutatkar’s laptop he was down to the last couple of files and welcomed any interruption that would stall resigning himself to finding nothing. He accepted the invitation even though he hadn’t slept for over twenty-four hours. The lack of temazepam made him feel like he could stay awake for hours but when she told him where she’d booked lunch Leo thought he’d fallen asleep at the laptop.

  Chevalier’s was buzzing when he got there and Ashley was waiting for him at a table in the front bar looking into a bowl of red wine. She stood up to kiss him as he tentatively removed his jacket.

  ‘I know why you’re doing this, Ash, but you’ve no idea how many times I’ve been back here already.’

  ‘Not to eat though,’ she said sitting down again. ‘I’ve ordered for both of us.’

  Leo sat and looked up the stairs behind Ashley to the area beyond. He wondered if she’d deliberately positioned them there.

  ‘I couldn’t get us a table upstairs at short notice.’

  Leo saw Hektor emerge from behind the bar. He looked harassed as usual and the lines on his Mediterranean features seemed a little deeper than the last time he’d seen him. Was there even an extra pound or two on his short frame? Nevertheless his silver grey hair was still immaculately squared around his tanned features and there was little to suggest that they’d celebrated his fiftieth birthday in Leo’s other life.

  Hektor leaned on the front of the bar and rested his hand on the thin waist of one of the bar staff while he talked to her. Everything seemed to be as it had been all those months ago and, for a split second, it was like inhabiting his old life again. He didn’t want to make eye contact with Hektor though and returned his attention to Ashley.

  ‘Lunch and banality, that’s all I want.’ She smiled and snapped a breadstick, handing him half.

  He took it but placed it on his side plate and suddenly felt nauseous. It was the smell of the place. One aroma led to another and soon he would smell the sweaty interior of the interview room and the stale nicotine gum the investigating officer used to pulp in one side of his face. ‘Thanks for trying to do this but this really doesn’t feel right.’ How could Ashley not understand that this was Laura’s place, Laura’s very last location? He rose but Ashley put her fingers round his wrist.

  ‘Don’t think this is easy for me either. Sit down,’ she whispered firmly but even before he’d settled again he’d decided against telling her about Mutatkar. ‘It’s a room full of chairs and tables. People pass through it…good and bad.’

  Leo didn’t hear her but visualised Bookwalter standing at the top of the stairs in a delivery uniform. His shoulders tightened, almost in readiness for an impact of some kind.

  ‘Let’s try some meaningless chatter. How’s work?’

  He returned his gaze to her and registered how perfectly her fuchsia lip-gloss had been applied. She had on a tawny silk shirt and matching beads and her dark curls were once more in decorous disarray about her elegant face.

  Being here with her wasn’t right. After Hektor had been forced to suspend the immigrants in his staff and had taken it out on Leo, it had been an excuse to stop haunting the place. He should never have come back.

  Ashley had clearly been waiting for an answer to her first question and raised her eyebrows as she tried another tack. ‘Have you had any sort of contact with human beings apart from me?’

  ‘Only Matty stalking me.’

  ‘We all know about that. Stalking, I mean,’ she added a little too hastily.

  Leo thought he almost saw her bite her tongue. To Leo’s knowledge, Ashley had very little to do with Matty except when they’d met at the wedding.

  ‘Stalking or Matty’s stalking?’

  Ashley looked sheepish. ‘OK, Matty’s stalking.’

  ‘So, are you going to make me beg for what you aren’t telling me?’

  Ashley used the action of refilling her water glass to break eye contact. ‘Only what Laura told me.’

  ‘Which was?’

  ‘That Matty was capable of it.’

  ‘But my brother was AWOL for most of the time Laura knew him. It’s only since he moved in with Carla that he’s been stalking me to play grown-ups with him.’

  Ashley looked at him again and just nodded in hollow agreement as if she were considering whether she should tell him something.

  ‘Ash…’ he said, mock-threateningly.

  ‘Pointless dragging things up now, particularly if you’re on speaking terms with Matty.’ She took her cue from his raised eyebrows. ‘OK, there was a reason Matty was late to your wedding.’ She pushed down and twisted the salt cellar so the tablecloth started to knot around it. ‘He called at your house while you were waiting at the registry office.’ She narrowed her eyes at the cellar.

  ‘What for?’ He felt his shoulders tighten.

  ‘To…appeal…to Laura.’

  ‘To not marry me?’ said Leo jokingly.

  ‘Yes.’

  Leo sat back in his chair and his mind went utterly blank.

  ‘And to marry him.’ Ashley lifted her wine glass to her lips as if quickly concealing the source of the revelation.

&
nbsp; Leo felt as if he was being suddenly pulled out of his mould. Ashley’s pained face seemed to mirror what he felt on his own features and it was clearly something she’d dreaded telling him for a very long time.

  ‘Ancient history,’ she said and unsuccessfully tried to sound matter-of-fact.

  ‘But news to me.’ Something started to pool inside him but he wasn’t sure if it was undiluted anger or pain.

  ‘Laura didn’t want to tell you because she knew how fragile things were between you and your brother.’

  Leo didn’t hear her. He was already spooling back the few occasions Matty had been in Laura’s company. ‘But Matty hardly knew her.’

  ‘That’s what was so bizarre. I didn’t hear the conversation. Not that there was much of one anyway. Matty turned up at the front door and said he wanted to talk to Laura about a sensitive matter. Laura saw him in her room; she already had her dress on by then. Next thing I know, Matty is coming back down the stairs. I couldn’t believe it when Laura told me what it had been about. Apparently, once she’d said no he’d turned on his heel and gone to join you at the registrar’s.’

  ‘Quatro staggioni.’ The waitress announced what had just been placed in front of them but didn’t hover with the black pepper grinder when she picked up the atmosphere from the table.

  Ashley pulled a ring off her napkin. ‘I’d only met Matty once or twice but watching him making his speech and acting throughout the day like it had never happened was just…unnerving.’